I still hate you for what you said to me. You know how I feel about you and my condition, but you don’t understand how to deal with it. How can you say you love me, if keep disagreeing with me and end up fighting? I don’t know who’s right in this situation, but all I know is that I want to be alone for a bit or at least not stress me out more than I already am everyday. If you were more sensitive and understanding, things would be a lot better for not only me, but us. You know I’ve been traumatized from the way I was raised and how I was treated. Yes, I am thick headed and so are you, but you don’t see it. everything I’ve told you before from your actions and possibilities, I really meant it. I don’t fuck around with this AT ALL. If you really do love me, then show me the best way you can. You know that I love you from all the stupid choices and sacrifices I’ve made for you. I don’t want us together years from now with your behavior not changing, living the lifestyle like your parents and myself still not giving a flying fuck anymore over how I’m treated by others. I’ve given up right now because I can’t please 2 parties. they want me to spend more time (ie vacations, special events etc.) with them, you want me to spend 24/7 with you while I get ZERO time with gucci nor time for myself. I don’t regret not moving in with you. I don’t want to think about our future together, you’ve never brought up nice things about them claiming you don’t want me to cry when you partially didn’t want them in the first place even when you knew how I felt. I don’t know if I want to save my money anymore to spend the weekend ALONE in santa cruz. I don’t want to ask my dad for money because this is something I want to earn on my own. i really don’t give a flying fuck if something happens to me or if my parents refuse to let me go. I’ve given up on everything. nobody cares about how I feel so why should i even care anymore? nobody wants to hang out with me because I’m too embarrassing or awkward? ok, well fuck you too. I’d rather die alone than be around 2 faced people.
ps if I die, please take gucci with me. nobody will take care of her the way I do.